Loneliness and Planting: A Spiritual Discipline for A.P.E.s

This is a guest post by Alison Marie Smith. She works for Greek InterVarsity at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. Her and her husband, Sean, moved to Utah four years ago from the great state of Michigan. She loves reading, running, making meals for her students, and sharing adventures with her husband. Alison blogs at www.alisonmariesmith.com

As a planter, I am attracted by the idea of going where no one has gone before. Four years ago I moved from Michigan to Utah and began planting Greek InterVarsity at the University of Utah. This was the first ministry for fraternity and sorority students in the state as well as in InterVarsity’s Rocky Mountain region. When I arrived in Utah, I was the only Greek InterVarsity staff within a 600-mile radius and few Greek students were involved in Christian ministries. At the time, many people in the West were supportive of Greek InterVarsity, but few understood the unique challenges and value of working with Greek students. It was isolating.

Another layer of loneliness is my geographic location. Utah is home to the world headquarters of the Latter Day Saints (Mormon) church. The faith is known for its patriarchal leadership structure. Just a few weeks ago, a female member was excommunicated for advocating for women’s ordination. Evangelical Christianity is a minority in Utah, eclipsed by not only the LDS church but also a large non-religious population. Planting an evangelical ministry as a woman in Utah is extremely rare.

Emptied and Filled

As planters, we empty ourselves- of our time, intellect, energy, and passion- sometimes weekly, sometimes daily, and sometimes hourly. As we empty ourselves, we need to come back to the Father and draw deeply from the “spring of water welling up to eternal life.”(John 4: 14) Spiritual disciplines that replenish us and connect us to God are crucial. Without practices that fill us, we will burn out. Without practices that challenge us, we will inhibit our growth. We cannot be the planters God desires us to be without regularly practicing spiritual disciplines.

In the depths of my isolation, Jesus has continually replenished me through several key disciplines focused on solitude, contemplation and silence. These disciplines may seem counterintuitive to feelings of loneliness. But I’ve found that they actually produce intimacy and community in unexpected ways. God has used these disciplines, namely the prayer of Examen, to remove anxiety, increase intimacy with him and others, and equip me to take risks as I plant.

Prayer of Examen

Examen, developed by St. Ignatius, is a prayer that helps us review our day with God. The purpose of Examen is not to analyze our day. Rather, it helps us pay attention to where God seemed present and where he seemed absent, where we experienced love and gratitude and where we missed opportunities to extend God’s love. Examen helps us feel connected to the Father and pay attention to his presence. Ultimately, it helps us feel known and loved, freeing us to be more open with our communities.

At the end of your day, grab a journal or talk about these questions with God. I like to do this right before I go to bed.

For what am I most grateful today? Where did God seem especially near or present?

Offer thanks and praise to God for these moments.

For what am I least grateful today? Where was it hard for me to be aware of God? Where did God seem distant?

Talk about these with God but don’t feel like you have to figure them out or analyze them. Simply be honest with God about how you’re feeling.

Where did I receive the most love?

Offer thanks and praise to God for these moments.

Where did I receive the least amount of love?

Share these situations openly and honestly with God without trying to analyze them or feel like you have to figure them out.

Where did I give the most love?

Rest in the truth that God is pleased with your efforts.

Where did I withhold love or miss opportunities to extend love?

Share these openly with God. Confess your lack of love and ask for forgiveness.

End your time by talking with God about any lingering moments from your day. Rest in the knowledge that God is present with you and release the events of the day to God’s care. Ask God to help you start fresh for the next day.

Many of us have moved to new places or contexts to start new things, leaving behind deep community. While I think it should be a priority for planters to intentionally engage with Christian community, these deep relationships often do not develop quickly. Sometimes we are stuck; continuing to be intentional while patiently waiting for friendships to develop. Rather than wallowing in our loneliness and running the risk of burning out, maybe God is inviting you to pursue new disciplines of solitude, contemplation, and silence? Could God be inviting you to pray the Examen?

Try the prayer of Examen this week. Or spend some time learning about other disciplines of solitude, contemplation, and silence. Each week at my blog, I share a discipline that has been helpful in my loneliness as a planter. You can read more at www.alisonmariesmith.com