By Jon Hietbrink

As APE leaders operating on the fringes of traditional Christianity, we’re keenly aware of a couple things.

• First, we’re desperate for authentic spiritual vitality in our lives. We know that to see the Kingdom come in power in unreached places requires far more than giftedness or charisma, it takes the presence of the living God. We yearn for genuine spiritual authority that flows out of who we are; we long to embody the message we proclaim.
• Second, because we’re operating in the margins, the path we tread is far less worn. Whereas many of us were surrounded by plentiful mentors and models when we were younger, now there are fewer folks we can depend on for the spiritual development we need; it can be lonely on the frontier.

As movement leaders, we must obey Paul’s command to “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” (Rom. 12.11)–we must fuel our own fire.

Earlier this week, I was spending some time in prayer before launching into a season of re-engagement, and to be honest, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. My list of tasks was substantial, the challenges were significant, and the finish line was far off over the horizon–it was a classic “my fire is out and I’m supposed to be leading” moment. Thankfully, God spoke, and directed me back to what has become a core text for my life–Paul’s letter to the Philippians.

For most of my life, I’ve envisioned Paul as a theologian–huddled over parchment, scribbling letters to churches by candlelight, searching for words to describe the nature of Christ and the church–a man defined primarily by his writing and his letters. But, as I’ve started leaning in to my apostolic giftings, I’ve been seeing Paul in a new light– not just Paul the theologian, but Paul the missionary–a model of apostolic engagement.

Consider the missionary scenario facing Paul as he’s writing the letter to the Philippians. He’s traversed much of Asia Minor over the last decade planting churches that are now experiencing pressure from all sides–internal strife, political persecution, and religious wrangling. There are virtually no “second generation” Christians–every leader is a convert. There is no formalized New Testament scriptures. Though impossible to know for sure, scholars estimate that there are only a few thousand Christians in the whole of the Roman Empire–that’s less than .01% of the population! Jesus’ mandate to make disciples to the ends of the earth stands unfulfilled while Paul himself sits in prison, unsure of whether he will live or die.

HOW DID HE DO IT?! In the face of such overwhelming pressure, how did Paul fuel the fire in his soul? How did he rekindle the hope he needed to press on in the face of such trials?

How Paul Fueled the Fire

First, Paul exhibits a profound identification with the people he is serving

“God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (1.8) Woven through Paul’s letters, whether expressed in encouragement, exhortation, or rebuke, it’s clear that Paul feels incredible affection for the people he’s writing to–quite simply, Paul LOVES them. They’re not merely his missional project or cogs in his apostolic machine–they are “my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and my crown.” (4.1) As minsters of Jesus’ gospel, we are to be marked by the same kind of self-giving love we see in Christ, and it’s worth asking ourselves regularly, “Do we actually love the people we are trying to reach?” Typically, I’ll find my own answer to this question in reflecting on the quality of my prayer life for them–we pray for who we love (and we love who we pray for). When we truly love those we serve, we find the resolve we need to press on.

Second, Paul embraces the fact that this mission will cost him his life.

“But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” (2.17) Too often, we can find ourselves bemoaning the costs we pay for our vocation–costs to our freedom, our finances, our lifestyle, our relationships. But something fundamentally changes when we operate with an expectation that this mission is going to cost me everything. In the moments when I question whether this is all worth it, I need to be reminded again that in my heart of hearts, I don’t want to give myself to anything that doesn’t cost everything. Seeing the kingdom come among this people is either worth our lives or it isn’t, and if it isn’t, it’s probably time we find something to give ourselves to that is.

Third, Paul evidences supreme confidence in God’s power to finish the job, a kind of apostolic inevitability.

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (1.6) Though less than 0.01% of the population of the Roman Empire (to say nothing of the rest of the planet!) were disciples of Christ, Paul truly believed that the gospel of God among the people of God filled with the Spirit of God was sufficient for Jesus’ ends of the earth mandate. Nothing gets me out of whack more quickly than forgetting who’s mission this is. Our end is sure and like a bit of yeast working through the whole batch of dough, the expansion of the Kingdom to every tribe, tongue, and language is in fact, inevitable. God is the one at work, we merely join his labor.

Finally, Paul is absolutely clear that what he desires above all else is to know Christ.

“I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (3.8) In the end, no one and no thing compares to Christ for Paul–no evangelistic campaign, no church plant, no radical conversion–nothing compares to the person of Christ. In my more honest moments, I often find my desire for Christ lacking. I want movement, fruit, expansion, momentum, and conversion all for the glory of God, but I tend to want these things more than Christ himself. Paul makes no such mistake. Knowing Christ is the dominant drive of his life, and everything else–whether times of plenty or want, experiences of resurrection or death–are means to that end.

Where do you resonate with Paul’s experience? What does Paul’s example expose as lacking in your life?

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