From “The Power of Habits”

By Steve Stuckey

Steve is a spiritual director with InterVarsity in Southern California. He writes here on this blog to foster spiritual formation for us catalytic leaders. Our hope is to create some space online to not only stir you up to be an APE leader but also help you connect with God well in your soul. He has developed many APE leaders and knows what our strengths as well as struggles are.

[This post is part of a series called Rooted. Find the other posts here]

Our Daily Routine

Looking back, the two of them could see that the tensions in their marriage began six months ago. Heather landed an internship at a graphic design studio. She left their apartment at 7:30am each morning. Four days a week she stopped off at the gym on her way home from work so it was 6:30pm before she got back to their apartment. Jeff worked afternoons at Starbucks to supplement his income as a church planter. He got off at five and grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading out to lead a Bible study or meet with neighborhood friends. By the time he arrived home at 10:00pm, Heather was usually in bed asleep. Jeff checked his email, caught the sports highlights and then went to sleep around midnight. Minor irritations that never got talked about grew to become sharp tensions between the two of them. Finally after one heated argument, the two of them realized that something needed to change. Their daily routine was not giving them enough relaxed time to listen and talk together. As a result they were slowly drifting apart.

Current Research on Habits

In the past twenty years, an explosion of research has been done on the power of habits to shape our lives. Research has found that more than 40% of the actions we perform each day aren’t actual decisions but habits. These almost automatic patterns of thinking and acting follow a prescribed course called the habit loop. And some of our habits, called “keystone habits,” are more important than others. By identifying and changing a keystone habit, a person may be able to also change other routines in their life. (Watch the following video by the author of the book-The Power of Habit)

Changing a Habit

Take Jeff and Heather for example. They concluded that they needed more time for talking together on a regular basis if their marriage was going to survive. They reviewed their weekly schedule and discovered that rarely during the week did they eat a meal together. Before Heather’s internship, they enjoyed having an early lunch together each day. Jeff and Heather decided to establish a dinner hour starting at 5:30pm during the week. Jeff agreed to buy the groceries and cook the meal. Heather agreed to move her gym time to the early evening after she had done the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Almost immediately they noticed a difference in how they related to each other. Tensions melted. They felt more relaxed around each other. When neighbors invited Jeff to join their basketball league that started at 6:00pm a few weeks later, he declined saying that was during the dinner hour with his wife. Most of the guys chided him but one man, Jose, was intrigued. That led to a longer discussion. Six months later Jeff, Jose and their spouses started a couples group.

Habits and Spiritual Disciplines

Within the Christian tradition, habits are nothing new. They are called “Spiritual Disciplines.” Followers of Jesus have long recognized their importance in shaping our responses and will power. Ignatius, founder of the Jesuits encouraged his followers to adopt a number of disciplines. He felt that the most important one was the daily examin. Each of his disciples were encouraged to take time to reflect on where they encountered Jesus during the day and where they felt distant from him. The insights they gained led them to naturally adopt other disciplines that helped them grow.

Habit Loop

Below is a sample of the daily examin habit loop.

Cue-5:30pm each afternoon
Routine- Take a 30 minute walk. While walking review your day and ask:
- What energized, encouraged, created a sense of integration or connected me to Jesus this day?
- What depressed, discouraged, or caused me to doubt Jesus this day.
Reward- Treat yourself to an appetizer before dinner, check off a list, or experience a sense of peace, calm, and a more intimate connection with Jesus and his work in you.