[This is part of a series on John The Baptist as Prophet. You can read the other posts here!]

By Sarah Carter

One of the most intriguing windows into John the Baptist’s heart is found in Matthew 11 (or Luke 7) as he sits in jail, his life close to its end. Something about this conversation between Jesus and John speaks deeply to the places of doubt and misunderstanding in my own life, particularly in the prophetic or apostolic risks I have stepped into.

In the story, John sends some of his disciples to ask Jesus an important question: “Are you the one who is to come,or should we expect someone else?” This inquiry seems bold in its skepticism, or perhaps disappointment. Without assuming John’s attitude behind such a question, it’s safe to say he was struggling with some serious uncertainty about Jesus’ identity. Maybe it was the lack of fire baptisms, threshing, and chaff burning…basically any judgment in general (Matt. 3:12).  Maybe it was tinged with a little more self-interest or even entitlement as John rotted in jail (could you help a ‘cuz out?)

I imagine John sitting in jail, hounded by the demons of doubt, loneliness and unmet expectations and in desperation sending this message to Jesus for some sort of answer. Jesus’ responds gently, but firmly. This is the kind of Messiah I am, and these are the signs of my coming kingdom: restoration and healing, particularly for those most on the outside. Do not forget what we are about, even if I don’t match your expectations, even if things have not turned out the way you thought they would.

The reference was clearly back to Isaiah 61, a beautiful and foundational chapter that should have given the Jews a picture of Messianic restoration, and therefore a picture of the Messiah himself. But too many people, including John it seemed, let their picture get clouded by their own expectations, whether they were conquest, judgment, or at least freedom from jail?

Doubts along the way

I can identify with this dark and doubtful place John lets us see. We are planting a church in our neighborhood. A small, missional community trying to live how Jesus asks us to and be family along the way. But it’s hard. And I struggle with many of my own doubts and uncertainties, just like John did.

When I feel questioned as a young, female pastor I start to question Jesus’ authority not only in my own life, but in others as well. When it’s difficult to cultivate ownership and action in other people, I question the truth about a priesthood of all believers. When things aren’t growing fast enough, I start to wonder if the harvest really is plentiful, or at least start to think of the kingdom like the slowest-growing of all trees, not the ubiquitous mustard plant. And when I’m really tired, and want to throw the towel in, I throw that same question back to Jesus… Are you really who you say you are?

Jesus’ response to me is similar to what he said to John. Sarah, this is who I am (and who my Church is) and this is what my kingdom looks like: empowerment, restoration and justice, particularly for those on the margins. Don’t forget what we’re about, even though it’s hard and I don’t move exactly the way you want me to. Don’t give up, even if things don’t turn out exactly how you thought they would. 

That is the gift of doubt to all of us, especially (or maybe only if) we express them to Jesus himself, and allow him to gently, but firmly redirect our thoughts. He can expand our expectations, encourage us forward, and comfort our disappointments. Most importantly, Jesus can remind us who He is, and help un-cloud our false visions of what kind of salvation He brings, and what that means for our ministries or us.

And we all need that, even if nothing changes. John rotted in jail all the way until his head was put on a platter. We don’t know if he pulled himself out of that dark place, but I think he did. I think his disciples came back with the praise that Jesus gave him via the crowd. That John’s purpose was to prepare the way for Jesus, and there was no one greater than him. He had done a good job. He had done what had been asked of him. He had been faithful, even amidst the doubts. That’s the highest praise we can be given as we work for this Kingdom to come.

What kind of doubts or uncertainties are you struggling with? Have you asked Jesus your deepest questions?

[This is part of a series on John The Baptist as Prophet. You can read the other posts here!]

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